Piddlin’ Rules

1. No sentence fragments.
2. It behooves us to avoid archaisms.
3. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
4. Don't use no double negatives.
5. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, “Resist hyperbole!”
6. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
7. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
8. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
9. Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.
10. Kill all exclamation points!!!
11. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
12. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
13. Take the bull by the hand and don't mix metaphors.
14. Don’t verb nouns.
15. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
16. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.

—William Safire (1929-2009), Pulitzer Prize-winner, wordguy, presidential speechifier and columnist

The Exclamation Point!

The exclamation point is greatly overused!
One could even say it is frequently abused!
In advertising copy, it repeatedly resounds!
And in breathless prose, it literally abounds!
The poorer the writer, the more frequently the case!
The exclamation point, they readily embrace!
To give a little emphasis! To make a little point!
This punctuation mark they will appoint!
But, to make emphasis perfectly clear,
Good writers generally appear
to make little use of exclamations
and other such typographic affectations.

— Ed Truitt
Ed Truitt is a science writer at the Weizmann Institute of Science

Ode to the Comma

The female body part of punctuation,
So tiny, yet able to arouse such aggravation.
The comma slips in under the quotation,
Tells you when to pause for reflection,
Then plunge ahead to the period's conclusion.
Neglect it at your peril: accusations,
law suits, wars. Nations
fall. Pretend it doesn't exist at all? Risk condemnation.
Treat it right for absolution.
That's right, put it there: Yes, oh, yes . . . satisfaction.

—Stacey Harwood
Stacey Harwood is a policy analyst with the New York State Department of Public Service. She is a freelance writer and managing editor of The Best American Poetry blog.

aye aye aye!!! that was? such satire in such a small sentance! i aint saw no other poems, like that, EVA... well i got most em!!!

thre and the miss spel'in and da cliche, and the proofreading!

You mean like this? Résumé

On a Mac, hold down the "option" key and press the letter "e." Then press the letter you want the diacritic over (in the case of résumé, press "e.")

I just learned that it's called an "acute accent."

Not to start a war or anything, but you used a grave, not an acute accent.

As Shakespeare once wrote, "résumé or rèsumè, that is the question."

Sooooooo how does this bit of oooopsie happen ræsumæ???